Words of hope.

For months I have struggled with this disease. No, not disease. I will not call this a disease. I will call it a temporary struggle; a pothole on my journey through life.  I still, cannot completely describe my emotions; who I've become or who I wish I could be.

Recently I've discovered the power of words and wisdom from other warrior moms who have gone through, or are still fighting this beast daily.

My husband encouraged me to pick up some books & take time to myself to read. The first book I picked up came as a recommendation from another mother who once struggled with PPD. The book, Down Came The Rain, by Brooke Shields, yes the actress. The first page made my heart skip a beat, cry, then flutter off. Cry because it hit home; I didn't feel alone for the first time. Flutter, because I know now that there is hope.

"Once upon a time, there was a little girl who dreamed of being a mommy. She wanted, more than anything, to have a child and knew her dream would come true one day. She would sit for hours thinking up names to call her baby...."
"And then one day, finally, she became pregnant. She was thrilled beyond belief. She had a wonderful pregnancy and a perfect baby [boy]. At long last, her dream of being a mommy had come true. But instead of being relieved and happy, all she could do was cry."

While reading articles, books, journals, blogs, etc, I've recently learned that PPD exists in 1 out of 8 women. That study is based off of those women who seek medical attention. In reality, this number is higher. I know it. I have caved in and am seeking medical attention; I have hopes of not seeking help through medicinal means but I may have no choice as I chose to ignore my PPD for too long. I cannot let this battle take me over.

A confidante at work recently told me that my son needs a healthy mother. A mother capable of fighting this daunting fight and only a GOOD mother can win this fight. Words I've been searching for without knowing it. Words of hope.