I'm supermom, dammit.

Lately, I've been trying to tell myself "I AM SUPERMOM" and dammit I'd do anything to be. One day after working 9+ hours, I gave this theory a good go. No, never mind. Forget it. That's way too much effort than I'm willing to give everyday. Those mothers that say "Oh yes, I look like I've stepped out of a magazine every morning, feed my child every morning before work, go to work while drinking my perfect cup of coffee, enjoyed my blissful day at work. Returned home to make dinner, clean, AND cook. I even put my children to sleep while reading them novels in 5 minutes flat. I then worked out for 3 hours then tended to my garden. Oh and I'm on the PTA." They lie. Hate them. They lie. I like my version of supermom better. It's more realistic and doesn't make me feel like I'm failing at every thing in my life.

I've now come to realize I've been supermom since the birth of my son. Okay, not necessarily accomplished a ton, but I'm supermom in my own ways. First & foremost, he's still alive. Plus one for me. I work 5 days a week, but come home and still manage to spend time flashing giggles/smiles and put him to sleep. Plus one for me. Not one, but two, nights in a row I managed to wake for every feeding & let my husband sleep, for the most part. Plus two for me (one for each night, sounds fair). I've mastered the art of laundry again! Plus another. I've made a decent dinner at least once since we've moved into our new home. Plus 1/2 for me. 

Let's be realistic. SET ATTAINABLE GOALS. Don't try and bounce back to who you once were before you ever had children. No, you can't go the gym every night then get your nails done every Friday. No, you can't go out every weekend anymore. You have the best Friday night date. Snuggles. You have the best Saturday morning, smiles. You have the best every day: your baby.

All in all, this is the best I've felt in a long time. It's hard to say it, but I know this because as soon as I get home from work, without even changing, I go straight to my son. It's a tough pill to swallow that at one point I almost avoided contact with him if anyone else was around to help. Now I love putting him to bed; giving him naps; playing games; talking, etc. I feel such a sense of life again, knowing that relief is out there and on the horizon and I'm beginning to finally get a taste of it. I'm absolutely frightened of going backwards in that dark spot again but I'm realistic it can and most likely will happen but I have to keep reminding myself what relief and life feels like. Not life, but my new life. My busy life. And here we go, head first.